Here's why the iPhone isn't something you'd fret over.
5. It would throw off your well-balanced life statement. Just holding that wonderfully slender piece of machinery in your grubby little paws says, "I'm a person who knows quality, loves cutting edge technology, and is living the life of tomorrow." But your sweatshirt says "i'm bummy, not athletic," your apartment says, "Ikea and Target ARE my design sense," your bank book is screaming from neglect and your car is just spewing last-century rhetoric. Then again, the iPhone could be a new start. Unfortunately, so could a new shower curtain.
4. The world is your entertainment center. Don't you just hate those loudmouths who won't quit on their phones? And all the people who wear these bluetooth devices 24-7 like they're in a hologram training from the Starship Enterprise? What about the guy with his headphones so loud that the whole bus/train/carpool/group crossing at the corner can sing along? Well, if you can't beat them, you can join them with 8gigs of music, movies, pictures and more. Just forget about the pulse of the city, the birds, the sound of schoolkids playing. The real world is sooooo not gonna be on your iTunes playlist, is it?
3. All those sensors make it way too sensitive. If you lived in a jeans-and-mock-turtleneck world like Mr. Jobs you could work with this phone. You're on your way, but you're not there yet. Your phone is lucky if it gets a clip or holster on the belt. Matter of fact, when was the last time you owned a phone that you never dropped? Just a minute ago we were talking lawsuits about how easily the Nano's were scratching. Does that proximity sensor activate shields when it senses it's about to slip out of your pocket and slide under your driver's seat? What about on the way to the concrete as you stumble and try to save the 4,000 orders of Starbucks that you were holding in the other hand?
2. Your good karma bill is past due. Take an iPod and a smartphone's cost and you're already around the iPhone's price range. But even if you wear a LIVESTRONG band, your favorite color is (RED), and you think we should get out of Baghdad, Iraq and into Darfur, Sudan, you're still gonna be a materialistic prick once you pick one of these boys up. Hundreds of kids could be immunized, a loan could be made to a third-world entrepreneur, or if you're really in a good mood, you could alleviate the burden of a couple people for at least a year. What? You still want it? Yeah, I guess it does match well with your new Hummer in the fourth garage of your slave-maintained plantation with the "Kill the Poor" flag waving in the front yard. Hmm.
1. You wouldn't even use it. You've used the crappy camera on your current phone, like, twice. You do use your iPod pretty regularly, but just for music and maybe a game--never anything more like for language training or schedule-keeping. You have a contact list on your home computer but you don't maintain it with any consistency. The last time you were on a conference call you didn't initiate it. You never knew that even your current crappy phone can send text, picture messages and email while on call. And that my friend, is the number one reason--and reason enough--that the iPhone is not for you.
