Saturday, April 2, was Joey's birthday.
Yesterday, exactly one week later, I sent an email to his parents. I don't know what I hoped to accomplish--get something off my chest? Let them know he's still remembered? Anywho, read on...
Hey there!
Hope things are well in the southern comfort of Georgia. Spring has finally arrived here in Daegu and I'm happy to see the trees finally bursting into color and even a few flowers blooming. Its a great reprieve from the bitter winter winds these Daegu hills conjured up; though I've heard that Daegu summers are equally unbearable.
I thought of writing and intended to do so a week ago today, but I was out of town and internet accessibility was sporadic. Moreover, I didn't know how this letter would find you spending your day and sometimes I can be a sensitive, considerate person. Sometimes. =o]
A week ago today was Joey's birthday. It's significant to me because my birthday was April 3 and for the last three years I've shared my celebration with him in one form or another. It was the beginning of many interesting discoveries: We were exactly 10 years and one day apart, both left-handed, both computer aficionados, both semi-disgruntled employees of the GC. What we didn't have in common often met in a humorous intersection, not unlike The Odd Couple.
I'm going to be honest, a lot of people questioned my moving in with Joeseph. As Joey tended to stay to his own, not many people got to know the person he really was. I didn't even know the person he was, really, until we moved into that apartment in August 2003. Before that I thought he was just a quiet geek I could live with. It seemed so many other people thought I was walking into a minefield. Yeah quiet geeks can be walking timebombs sometimes but I didn't get that impression from him.
As we got accustomed to each other we grew a sort of brotherly bond. In many things we were on opposite sides of the spectrum, but never in a confrontational way. I can remember exactly how many arguments Joey and I had: two. One was over God's nature and the other one was over women. heh. Those are touchy subjects for any two guys, so I don't feel bad. Moreover, we never stayed sore for long. I was always joking and he was always forgiving, and we both knew we'd have to live with each other so we took things lightly.
Introducing everyone to the "real" Joey became my hidden agenda. I knew him as a great person so I wanted more people to know. I'd purposely invite people, despite his grumbling, and later he'd confess he'd actually enjoyed the company. As he opened up we had more events and parties people really did start to notice. Non-adventist friends often asked about him and treated him with a fairness that I thought was long overdue for him. and when he came to my church....well...he was manbait for all the single women. But besides that he was appreciated and loved in a way that was more in line with what he deserved.
Joey had a heart of gold. I don't know how many times I yelled at him for giving away computers, electronics, packing bags full of goodies for brazil (instead of Georgia, was my argument) and I think that some people started seeing that. When news reached my church about Joey I got a surprising amount of emails from members who had no real relation to him except his kindness. A friend of mine that Joey had met was killed in a car accident last summer. He was the oldest son and he was living meagerly to send money to his family in the Philippines. His parents were sick and he had two younger brothers. Joey said he'd give and actually asked some of his friends to give. Unbeknownst to me, he put an envelope in a member's hand with at least $500 to go to the fund we were raising. Even the church treasurer AND the parents in the Philippines asked, "Who is this Joey Pharo who is so generous???"(put a filipino accent there for more humor) Many people at Filipino Capitol church prayed for you in your rough times and I hope you know they, too, considered him as one of their own.
When I made preparations to come to Korea, I could see it was a touchy subject. I didn't want to talk about our being apart, and he didn't either. We were a team now, and we looked out for each other no matter what. I broke a few laws trying to get home in time to see him off to Georgia before Christmas, and I still remember the awkwardness, the tears in Frulwinn's eyes, and that the last thing I did with Joey was hug. We both said "catch you later. take it easy" like it was another one of my trips out of town or his flights to Brazil. He said he'd visit in the fall (after Brazil, of course), and I didn't expect to physically see him till then.
I guess that's why I just wasn't floored when I got the news. I was numb, but I kept going. It's a dream or something; something else that I can shake off and it'll all be returned to it's original state. It was about a month before I stopped instictively clicking his messenger or opening an email to him; to this day I still have trouble doing certain things, remembering special inside jokes we or the three of us shared. Sometimes frulwinn and I will run across something and I'll hear her silently say, "awww." Yeah, she's remembered it too.
A lot of people said that they thought Joey was lucky to have hooked up with a goofball like me. And to EVERY ONE of those people I said, "No, I'm the lucky one, and you're lucky you got to know him for what he really is, he never changed. He's still the same old Joe." And I really believed it. Especially after I left, I realized that Joey was the first best friend I've had since high school, maybe before, and I missed him. Now he's really gone, and I really, really miss him so much.
I had no idea how I was going to make it through this birthday. It just seemed like it was going to be the worst time ever, with everything reminding me of everything far away, missing, and less-than-ideal these days. God managed to cheer my spirits, thankfully, and I hoped He did the same for you.
I know a letter doesn't really do much, and I know that maybe it could open up things that are being put behind. but I just wanted you to know that I still think about him and that if you ever want an outlet to think about him too my inbox is always open.
God bless and take care.
Best Wishes,
Leftsider
